


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by kittymannequin



Series: Korrasami Base [9]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:32:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5495600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittymannequin/pseuds/kittymannequin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.<br/>― Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye<br/>A roommate fic, taking you on a three month journey of complete strangers becoming something much deeper than just lovers, somewhere around Christmas, in four chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before The Worst

It’s just another night.

You’re walking home from your swimming practice, barely dragging your feet over the pavement while simultaneously trying to hurry past the full coffee shops and nerve-wrackingly full restaurants. Not to mention the really noisy clubs, those are the worst. Your place is too damn far from the campus but you can’t really complain - at least you have your own place and in reality, you should be thankful. But you just want to get home as fast as possible, because you’re tired, you’re  _really_ tired and your muscles ache, even your head feels like it’s about to explode and the headache hasn’t stopped since morning. To top it off, you’re not sure if it’s the fog of the flimsy autumn weather or your eyes are still swollen from all the crying you’ve been doing lately. Surely it’s the latter but you try to tell yourself otherwise.

As you pass another coffee shop you pull on your hoodie and adjust your beanie a little lower on your head - the wind is rough and it you can almost feel it pushing through your bones, chilling you straight to your core. Not much to be cold there, you reckon, since everything inside has been numb and empty for a while. Time’s become a completely insignificant thing for you and the only thing you really recognize is the shift between daytime and nighttime. You wake up, the sun is up, you get dressed, you eat, you go to uni, try to study, try to focus, do your training, go back, fall asleep, wake up, get dressed, eat and so on. You don’t bother checking the time. You don’t know what day it is today, or how long it’s been since you’ve had a good night’s sleep. You don’t care anymore.

But you do know it’ll be a year since she left you tomorrow and you feel ashamed you still know those numbers so well. Those stupid three hundred and sixtyfive days.  Sometimes it feels you’ll never get over it.

A droplet of rain falls on your nose and it stirs you out of your dreamy, dark reminiscences and as you look up into the night sky you can’t help but smile, despite the ever-present knot in your stomach and the heavy weight on your chest. There’s a few clouds in the sky but far away in the distance you can see stars, shining like little freckles strewn between waves of clouds, and you know you’re almost home because there’s no stars in the city. Too much light to see the wonders of the dark.

As you round the last corner and head down the street to your small house that you’re supposed to share with someone but you haven’t, for over a year, your brief elated state quickly dissipates into a familiar, almost cozy dread. Another night of coming back to an empty house, another whispered ‘hey roomie, i’m home’, another night of crawling into bed and making yourself fall asleep as fast as possible because you can’t bear the thought of not having spoken a single word to anyone for months. Not counting your trainer, of course.

You used to have a couple of people around you that called you their friend. You used to text them, every day until it became every now and again. Then it turned into barely once a year until they seemed to have disappeared from your life. You don’t feel very social anymore and people rarely try to talk to you. It must be the vibe, you think, because you’re certainly not the happiest person around. You still wish you had a roommate. To cut expenses, if nothing else. But it would be nice to have someone to share a home with. Or what’s left of  _home_ for you.

The place that you once called your home has become something you’re almost loathing. As warm as it may be and as much comfort it gives you to come back there every night after a hard, long day, it’s just a place to sleep through the night. Somewhere you seek shelter from rain, the cold, from everything that you can avoid because you still have at least that left, if everything else that ever matter does not exist. Even though it’s not your home anymore, it’s your space, at times. But… There’s no more photos around the place, no more clothes lying around - hell, you hardly ever wear anything but the same sweats and long, baggy sweaters - the TV hasn’t been on in months and the whole place looks almost vacant. It looks just how you feel. Empty, barren, void of light and warmth. Existing without any real purpose.

You feel like a ghost, inside and out.

You stopped reading a year ago. And you really loved it. You always spent hours upon hours immersed in a good fantasy book or crying your heart out over a stupid harlequin romance. You always carried a book around with you. You read, every day. Now you don’t remember the last time you picked up a book, one that wasn’t your university textbook. And even those are not such a familiar sight nowadays. You study as much as it’s needed to pass your classes, the rest is wasted effort. You’ll learn what you need, do what you can with that and it will be enough. Same old till it’s over.

Music used to wake you up every day. You had your favourite song set as your alarm clock until even she started despising it ‘cause you never really did get up on the first ring. It was always snooze once, twice, six times. Now your alarm clock beeps monotonously.  _Beep beep beep._ At some point, you forgot where you misplaced your headphones. By the time you remembered, you didn’t care anymore. You stopped listening to music, unless it was her favourite band. You’d sit and listen to that stupid modern day bullshit and mope around until your eyes would be too full of tears, then you’d let them stream down your cheeks until you couldn’t bother soaking them up anymore. You’d fall asleep with your tears falling and her music playing, and you’d wake up with a repeat of the previous night. Day after day. One day, you stopped listening to music. You figured if you kept the world around you silent, you’d manage to drown out all the voices inside your head.

Not gonna happen.

It’s a cold October night, the winter’s right around the corner but you’re still hesitant to get the heating started. You’ve got three textbooks laying around the small coffee table in your living room and your feet wrapped up in three blankets, wearing two pairs of sweats and two large sweaters you managed to steal from your dad a couple years back.

You don’t remember why you wanted to be a doctor anymore but you sure know it’s become increasingly hard now that you’ve got to actually go and do some field work, participate more and write papers more than you’ve ever written. But you’re trying. It’s one of the two things you still have left going for you - uni - and you’ve become determined, in all your emptiness, that you will give everything up but not this. Not this and not judo. You may not be kicking it well in life but you sure are there. And that’s not going to change.

You’re about to read something about pumpkins in your textbook ‘cause apparently even your university’s curriculum worries over Halloween, so you quickly glance over it before actually reading thoroughly and taking notes. For a moment your thoughts wander away to a much happier time where you could still smile without forcing it or say a few words without choking up. You remember the first Halloween when the two of you went as Bonnie and Clyde and your lips curl in a smirk at the memore. Halloween’s still a month away, maybe if you feel better you can…

No. You give up the thought immediately because you’re fine with the way everything is right now. You won’t look back, you won’t try anything again. You’re content and that’s enough. Until your phone rings, notifying you of a text message, for the first time in a couple of months.

**Bolin (9.13 pm):** Hey Korra, it’s Bolin, I don’t know if you remember me but we met two years ago, my freshman year. I’m sorry to disturb you and I hope I have the right number still but my brother told me you might need a roommate or is he wrong? ‘Cause I’ve a friend that could use a place to stay.

You stare at your phone, your expression a mixture of confusion, fear, elation and anger.

Who is that guy and why can’t you remember him? The angers in you begins to bubble, clouding your thoughts.

Someone wants to live with you? The elation kicks in and you almost giggle at the thought.

_ Someone wants to live with you? _ The fear takes over the instant you’re feeling better and it’s not long before confusion takes its place. You don’t even know how to respond but you do know one thing - you are still looking for a roommate because you live alone in a house with two bedrooms, a giant living room, kitchen and bathroom and all that costs. And this might just be the perfect opportunity to cut those expenses. You click on the reply button and start writing. Ten minutes later, after a horribly high amount of hesitation and muttering, deleting and rewriting, you click send and wait.

**To Bolin (9.22 pm):** Hey, yeah I remember. Yes, I am still looking for a roommate, your friend can come over and check the place out whenever tomorrow, I’ll be in all day. Do you need the address?

His answer comes instantly.

**Bolin (9.23 pm):** That’d be freakin’ awesome! And yes, please. We’ll be around tomorrow afternoon, around 4pm. That’s when she finishes at her job so I’m guessing she’s gonna wanna check it out immediately. Thanks a lot Korra, have a great night!

**To Bolin (9.25 pm):** 39 Marley Avenue, Cedar Grove. Big Victorian house, large yard, wooden fence. Just come in and ring the bell. See you tomorrow and text if you need help getting here.

You stare at your phone, wondering for a moment if he’ll text you back but mostly just analyzing what you’ve written and hoping your message didin’t sound too excited. Although you are excited. Afraid but joyous.

It’s been almost exactly a year and a half since you’ve started looking for a roommate, with no luck. Back then, you were a different person, happy to live alone for a while, until you had someone to share this house with. But mostly, you were just happy.

Happy to have the life you have, happy to have her. Back then, none of this seemed possible and nothing was impossible. You were an accomplished student, excellent sportswoman, had a brilliant future, a great girlfriend, couple of good friends and your own place that your loving mother and father managed to get for you. It was everything you ever wanted and you couldn’t have been happier. By then, you’d been through hell and back and whatever happened, you knew you could always bounce back. Or so you thought.

A year ago, everything changed. You still remember like it was yesterday.

It was a stupidly warm October day, sunny and cozy. Everyone was out on the streets, walking around the parks, sitting outside enjoying their drinks - everyone tried to soak up the last of the sun’s rays before the winter. You had a silly little date set up, nothing special, just an afternoon with Vicky.

You waited ten minutes until she finally arrived but the second she sat down you knew something wasn’t right from the look in her usually warm, hazel eyes.

“ _Listen Korra, we need to talk.”_

You never did like sentences that start that way. They never mean anything well. And neither did Vicky.

She said she needed time alone, time away from you, away from everything you two ever had. She said she needed to focus more on her studies and she was leaving to study abroad. When you asked her since when, she said she forgot to mention - since as long as she could remember. Somehow, in the midst of everything you two had, she never told you and that hurt you more than the breakup itself. You still remember the whole  _“but you know I love you, right? you know there’s never going to be another like you”_ conversation that came after the actual breakup but you stopped listening midway, unable to show any sort of emotion and trying hard to understand her reasons.

The last thing she said still echoes in your mind. “ _How can you be so heartless?”_

You never understood what she meant by that. You still don’t. When you asked your mother what she meant by that she simply held you close and whispered how you’re the kindest person in the whole wide world, and it didn’t even make sense. How could the kindest person in the world be heartless?

You still don’t know but you do know that if you close your eyes for long enough, you can still feel the brush of her fingers on your cheek from the last time she ever touched you. Sometimes, when you just wake up and lie in bed for a minute or two, you’re sure you feel her lips against yours just moments before you open your eyes.You know it’s your mind playing tricks on your but you still hope because the other side of your double bed shouldn’t be empty. Neither should the other side of your heart.

You know your parents loved her very much, and the respect they had for her was great but the day she walked out on you she became a stranger in everyone’s eyes and now they even blame her for what you’ve become. For a long while, you blamed her as well. Now you realize that she was just a trigger but this - this is all  _you._

As you read through the textbooks still in your hands you’re not sure when exactly but you fall asleep. Some time in the deep of the night you wake up, only to drag yourself to bed. You forget your phone, leave everything back in the living room, you don’t care. You were having a nice dream and you only hope it will continue when you snuggle up against your pillow. It’s been a long time since your nights weren’t all nightmares and terrors. When you fall down in your bed it takes you exactly thirty seconds to fall back asleep.

 

                                                                                **\--  --  --**

 

Familiar ringing stirs you from your slumber and you grab your phone, not bothering to check who’s calling - it’s not like there’s anyone who’d call you so it’s certainly your mother - but when a deep, low male voice says hi on the other side of the line you almost fall out of your bed from the surprise.

“ _Hey Korra, it’s Bolin, we’re here to see the house, I think we’ll be there in about five minutes, that ok?”_

There’s not much you can say to that, really. It’s either a yes or a no. But they’ve gone through all the trouble of actually getting here so you can’t just tell them to go away, no matter how horrible you currently look. And truthfully, you look awful. You take a long look at yourself in the mirror and sigh, running your hand through your hair.

“Sure, that’s fine, I’ll get the coffee going. See you soon.”

“ _See you!”_

You managed to sleep through half the day because when you check the clock it says it’s five in the afternoon and you groan, rubbing at your temples in hopes of pushing away the oncoming headache. It always comes when you sleep too long and over twelve hours was definitely too long.

You only have a couple of minutes to make the place look presentable which, luckily, isn’t that hard because you generally clean it once a week and you’d just cleaned it two days ago. So you focus on trying to make yourself at least look like you’re not a zombie. You comb your hair, thankful that you cut it months ago, and you brush your teeth and clean your face up as fast as you can before running back to your room and putting on a fresh pair of black sweats and your favourite Star Wars t-shirt. You’ve got one sock still on so the other one must be somewhere under the covers and just as you’re about to search for it the bell goes off and you jump in surprise.

“Be right there!” You shout finally managing to grab the sock from underneath the covers and putting it on as you jump your way towards the door. When you open it you’re not really surprised there’s no sun - you did sleep through the little of it there was - and quickly adjust to the sight of a tall, muscular boy offering his hand.

“Hey Korra, how have you been?” Bolin asks as you take his hand and shake it. He has a firm grip and he doesn’t let go until you answer his question. “Glad to hear you’re ok. This,” He scoots to the side and the mystery girl finally comes into sight, “Is Asami.” Your eyes meet hers and you’re a little taken aback by their beauty. You’ve never seen eyes as green as hers and it’s truly gorgeous. You look away quickly though because you start feeling insecure under her gaze as you take her hand and feel just how soft yet calloused her touch is. You manage to look back into her eyes when she speaks because her voice is really pleasant and you can’t just ignore her.

“Hi, how are you?” She says, kind of awkwardly and you huff out a puff of air, amused at how you’re not the only one to be completely impaired when it comes to social interactions.

“Hey,” You say, still staring at her, “Good, thanks. Come on in, take a look around.” You finally feel her releasing your hand and you do the same, move aside and let them come in as you rub the back of your neck nervously.

After about ten minutes of them walking around the living room and Bolin trying to make small talk with the both of you she asks about the bedroom and you take them both to what would be her room, show them the bathroom, the door of your room - you’re not gonna take them there, it’s a mess - and lastly, the kitchen. The water’s just about boiling and after a little persuasion they decide to sit down as you serve the coffee and join them at the table.

She doesn’t talk much and Bolin asks all the questions, about the rent and the bills, all the possible things he can think of. Then he asks you about your girlfriend and you wince at the question, shaking your head.

“We broke up a year ago.” You mumble and take a sip, blinking back tears. You didn’t think a stupid little question like that would affect you so hard.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing around, trying to avoid your gaze.

You sigh, knowingly, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. So, thoughts?” You turn to her with a sheepish smile only to realize she’s been looking at you all this time. Your cheeks feel a bit warmer but you don’t give it much thought. It’s the coffee finally kicking in, just in the wrong place.

“I like it.” She states, takes a sip without looking away, “When can I move in?”

You’re in the middle of taking a sip when she asks the question and you almost spit out your coffee. “You wanna move in? With me?”

She stares at you for a few moments, raises her brow then looks to Bolin. When she turns back to you she has a silly little smirk pulled across her lips and you can’t help but think it’s kinda cute. “What, are you some sort of serial killer or something? Should I not move in with you?”

This time you actually chuckle and it surprises you because you can’t remember the last time something moved you enough to actually almost laugh. “Not that I’m aware, no. I just didn’t think anyone would like this place. It’s so-”

“Cozy. And far away. And it’s quiet. I like it.” She interjects, looking around the kitchen. “I wanna live here, if that’s ok with you.”

Your lip twitches and you smile, widely this time and put your coffee down and extend your hand towards you. “Welcome, roomie.”

She nods and takes your hand, “Thanks, roomie.”

It takes a couple more minutes to devise a plan of her actually moving in and you offer your help with it all, at least there’ll be something to do around the place. Soon enough they’re out of the house and when you come back into the kitchen you’re standing there, leaning against a counter with your coffee in your hands and a confused expression on your face. You don’t really know why but this day feels okay. Different. And unnaturally warm for October. But you don’t really mind.

In the next couple of days everything around you seems to be moving really fast.

Bolin comes over with his brother, Mako, and the three of you help Asami with the moving in. There’s not much to help with though, she doesn’t come with a lot of things, just a couple of large bags full of clothes, a couple of books and some boxes of random things that you don’t know what they are. You don’t really ask why she’s moving in but some time in the middle of a random conversation Bolin mentions that she’s having a family situation and she wanted to move out of her house.

When the move is over and everything is set around the place things start to going back to normal, despite the fact that you’re no longer living alone.

It doesn’t really clash with your habits. You wake up when you wake up, do your morning rituals, grab a cup of coffee and head out. You come back late every night because of practice and you’re mostly too tired to do anything but fall asleep, except on your free days. But you don’t see Asami that much, in fact you don’t see her at all. She’s always out whenever you’re in the house or she comes home as late as you, says hi and rushes to her bedroom or the bathroom. By the time she comes out you’re already passed out on the couch or in your room. You don’t talk to her nor do you ask what she’s studying and what she’s up to, not because you’re not interested because you are, just a little, but mostly you don’t want to pry. The new routine of saying hi to someone in the evenings every once in awhile sits nicely with you and by the time it’s already been almost three weeks, you can freely say you enjoy not living alone anymore.

As far as you can tell, living with Asami won’t be a problem in any way. She cleans after herself, she’s generally what you’d call a nice person, she says hi whenever you two actually cross paths and so far she hasn’t brought anyone weird in the house. Or anyone, for that matter. But judging from how rarely you actually see her, you can’t really say much more. So far, so good.

That is until one night your natural curiosity gets the best of you.

It’s late, around two in the morning, and you’re just about finished reading something for the paper you have to submit in a week when you hear the front door being unlocked and opening then immediately being closed. You sigh and shrug as you glance at the clock - another late night for her. But it’s the same for you.

You don’t want to go to sleep because it takes you hours to actually fall asleep, what with all the plaguing thoughts of the past and when you actually do fall asleep, you have nightmares. So you choose to just go to sleep when you pass out. Which is, sadly, not yet.

When the door of Asami’s room closes you decided you’re gonna go make yourself some tea and you leave your room quietly, not bothering to turn on the lights in the hallway. You know it too well to bump into anything and when you reach the kitchen you’re quick to prepare everything. You stand there, waiting for the water to boil, when a strange sound coming from down the hall catches your attention.

Normally, you’d dismiss it but it’s something about the sound that makes it so intriguing. It’s almost as if you know it all too well. So you take a few steps towards the hallway and lean over, trying to hear something. You’re greeted by silence and you’re about to go back to the kitchen when you hear it again. And that’s when you realize why it’s so familiar.

There is distinct quiet sobbing coming from Asami’s room, a few faint cries here and there but you would recognize it anywhere, any time of the day. After all, you cried the same way months ago. Not you just stare at a wall and let the tears fall by themselves, too numb to actually produce any sound. You’re torn, trying to decide whether or not you should actually pretend you can’t hear anything or if you should go there and do… something. But what?

You can’t just go in and say ‘hey, I heard you crying and I thought I’d come over and watch you’. You’re not an idiot. And you don’t want to pry. Most of all, you really don’t want to pry. But then the crying becomes a little louder and it actually hurts to hear someone crying in such a way so you quickly turn off the flame under the kettle and hurry over to Asami’s room, knock on the door and wait patiently. You can hear rustling and she’s mumbling something but you can’t really make out what because of the door.

When she opens it it’s clear she’s been crying and it takes all your strength not to do something you haven’t done in over a year. You have this strange urge to wrap your arms tightly around her and by some faint traces of brain cells you decide that’s a really dumb idea. Instead, you rub your arm as you stand there awkwardly, until some words finally come out.

“Hey, I… I’m sorry for prying but uh, are you okay? Do you…. Do you wanna talk about it?” You mumble out, nervous and hesitant to look at her.

“Sorry if I woke you up,” She says, “But I’m fine.”

Normally, you’d turn around. And you’re already in the process of doing it but a nagging in your head stops you from doing the rational thing and before you actually go away you turn back to face her with a gentle smile. “Want some tea?”

She finally meets your eyes and it makes you a little sad just how red her eyes are. It does nothing to diminish the beauty of her eyes but it makes her seems so small. So fragile. But then they water a little and she lets out a faint, barely audible sob, smushed together with a sigh and as she brings her hand to her face she nods, leaning against the door frame.

“Come on,” You murmur and step aside, letting her walk out into the hallway before you both head for the kitchen, “You’re gonna be okay.”

Deep inside, you know that’s not true. You know she’s not going to be okay after a cup of tea and it saddens you that the first thing you really mean to tell her is that she won’t be okay. No matter what it is that made her cry at two in the morning, you know she won’t just be okay. But what saddens you even more is the irony of it all because deep inside, you have no right to tell anyone they’ll be okay.

Lord knows you haven’t been for a while.


	2. One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When two souls are meant to cross paths, it's bound to happen sooner or later.

It takes you a month to realize how exquisite she is and how little you’ve known about emotions. It manages to surprise you how after a month of living with her it’s become much easier waking up in the morning. 

You haven’t spoken much after that night you found her crying but things have changed between the two of you. The atmosphere in the house is a little warmer, or so it seems to you.

She doesn’t come back as late as she used to and she actually comes over and joins you for a cup of tea here and there. She even sits down next to you on your shabby couch and watches stupid movies with you when you’re not in a good mood. Or when you are, it doesn’t seem to matter all that much. She just plops down next to you with her mug in her hands - she has a silly mug with a giant black cat painted on it - she doesn’t ask a lot of questions and the silence between the two of you is comfortable. Welcome even.

Asami doesn’t ask why you’re sad and why you keep wringing your hands together all the time, frowning and biting your lip. She just sits there, occasionally laughs at a stupid joke or two in a movie and goes to sleep with a nod or a silent good night. She doesn’t press you, doesn’t pester. It helps so much more. 

As far away as you are from each other, she’s become special. She is, after all, the only person you ever really talk to, besides your parents, and somehow you want to cherish that. Because she’s taken the time to give you some of hers and you’d hate to see it go to waste.

You talked about a couple of things since that night.

She mentioned her studies and you figured out you both actually attend the same university. She’s an engineering major - no surprise there, she’s always got some silly schematics you’ve no clue about scattered around the kitchen table - with a minor in science because, like she said one evening,  _ why not?  _ She’s a giant geek, walks around the house in her Star Wars t-shirts and talks about robotics like they are her whole world. She can handle it all pretty well, you think. Despite everything that you know must be hidden under the surface, she’s so very strong.

You’re struggling through your major, exercise science and PE, you didn’t think there’d be so much damned biology in there but you still like it, very much. For now you get to do a whole lot of swimming, running around, exercising and going to the gym and you’ve always loved that so it makes you feel better now. Eventually you’ll get to work with kids, influence young minds, help them develop and flourish in their own way - it makes you a tiny bit happier just thinking about it. 

Asami loves to talk about engineering and you don’t mind listening, even though you mostly don’t understand a word she’s saying. There’s always something about cars and advanced informatics and you kind of really like the way Asami’s eyes sparkle when she speaks about the new robot they built in some class which name you can’t even pronounce. Something advanced something something. She gets really invested, her nose crinkles, brows furrow and she starts waving her arms around, trying to explain what particles make up which body. You usually just nod, as politely and enthusiastically as you can and you know she most definitely doesn’t believe you but she just smiles at you and it doesn’t really matter. You like her smiling and over time, that’s the only thing that starts to matter. 

It’s lovely, her smile. Suits her. You want to make her smile more often. 

One night at the end of October she comes back carrying a giant box, with her hair tousled, eyes weary and pleading and her lip quivering. It’s gotten colder outside and when you usher her inside - she kept ringing the bell, even though you know she never once forgot her keys - she doesn’t want to come inside. She starts apologizing profusely, bowing her head and asking you to please consider, that she knows she should have called you, asked you first but she couldn’t bare the sight and she just had to. It’s only after five minutes of complete and utter miscommunication that you realize she’s not actually bringing a stray or moving out, she’s just brought a cat. It warms your heart in ways you couldn’t imagine possible any longer and when you smile at her, the way her eyes light up makes your head spin a little. 

She tells you how she’s never had a pet. That’s another thing you find really interesting about her because you’ve had two dogs - now you have one because Keno passed away six years ago, but Naga’s at home, with your parents and, despite how much you love her, she’s still so far away. You miss her, terribly. When Asami says she wishes she could meet her, it takes you a couple of minutes to figure out how much it’d cost to have her shipped over and before you know it, you’re calling your parents, for the first time in six months, and all but demanding Naga be sent to you. They couldn’t be happier to oblige, you can actually hear your mother crying and your father ecstatically whispering something by her side; you know it makes them feel relieved and happy that you actually called them, instead of just barely picking up your phone when they call you. 

It becomes a dynamic, the way you two move around each other. At moments you forget you’re not a married couple and you haven’t been living together for the past ten years. 

She always wakes up first and even though you can hear her alarm even through your bedroom wall and it wakes you up every morning, you decide to lounge around the bed until she leaves her room and knocks on your door. When you finally do leave the sanctuary of your bed, she greets you with a rushed ‘good morning’ and you grumble a ‘hey’. You leave the house together and almost always walk your way to the university. She stops at a coffee shop and leaves with two large cups and you’re always the one to stop by a bagel shop and come out with two bags. One day you accidentally feed her the bagel as she holds your cup and neither of you realize it until later that day so when she gets back home it’s a little awkward and she’s just slightly fidgety around you. Her hello’s a little more quiet and you rub the back of your neck a little more often but then there’s the doorbell and the pizza you ordered, half with and half without mushrooms because you know she can’t stand them, and things are back to what you like to think is normal. 

You get to see her smiling a bit more and it makes you feel warmth around your heart. Not in your heart though - that’s still cold as stone. There’s a hole inside it and sometimes you think it’s too big to be filled with love ever again. Though… Asami’s smiles seem to be getting close and lately you don’t really wonder why. You just accept it.

You’ve managed to map her face like it’s a galaxy you’ve explored at least a dozen times, what with all the times you’ve caught yourself staring. She’s a truly, remarkably beautiful woman and the more you look at her, the warmer your chest feels. Her eyes still captivate you the most, the way they shift colours ever so slightly, depending on the time of the day, or the way they spark up and shine brighter when she talks about something she clearly loves. The tiny crinkles and creases at the edges only make them look more astonishing and when she smiles, it feels like her eyes manage to reflect all that’s good in the world. But sometimes they still look very sad and you can’t do much about it. Sometimes her entire face is tired and weary and she bows her head low, keeps to herself and doesn’t say more than two words. You know it’s been a bad day, and her shoulders are slumped, albeit tense, and you don’t ask much. In fact, you don’t ask at all because it’s not really your place. You make her a cup of tea and when your fingers brush as she takes it from your hands, you can feel the gratitude within her but the lack of enthusiasm as well. 

You’re certain you could watch her speak for days on end because her lips always manage to capture your attention. She loves her lipstick and all the different shades she owns, which is a lot, you think, because she almost never wears the same one. She likes the deep, crimson one the most though - you’ve seen her wear it a couple more times  than the others. You like it too, it suits her very well, with that maroon sweater she almost never takes off and her long, raven hair cascading down her shoulders. When she’s at home, her hair is almost always down, and she only pulls it up when she’s eating something. Otherwise she likes to play with it, twirl a lock or two around her finger, brush her hand through it. When she pulls it up it’s the cutest, most stylish bun you’ve ever seen. There’s always that one stubborn lock though, cascading down against her cheek and once, maybe even twice, it takes all your strength not to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. 

Her hands are calloused and rough but on those few rare occasions when her skin brushed against yours, you could feel how soft it is. How warm and smooth the ridges of her fingers are and it made you wonder, would your fingers be able to fit the gaps between hers? 

You think you know her well enough by the time the weather starts changing rapidly. The winter begins to take over, night grow even colder, days lose their light - the wind starts ruffling your hair more often and whenever the two of you go to uni, you can see her shiver and brace herself whenever the wind blows. She doesn’t seem like a stranger anymore, not with the way she smiles at you and says your name whenever she comes home. 

Home. The place you remember being only a box where you’d hide from the cold has become a place where you wish to return every day. WIth your silly little cat and your giant, fluffy dog and… her. So you think you know her, or the little she shows you. You know the way the two of your work.

Until she comes back one evening, somewhere in the middle of November, with her eyes red and bloodshot and her cheeks still damp from crying. She tries to hide it, but you know it, feels it - see it - she can’t hide anymore. She’s been hiding all this time, you think, and it’s tearing her apart. And strangely enough, you feel pretty torn yourself. You want to tell her to come rest in your arms, to hold you and cry until she can no longer cry. You want to embrace her and only let go when she asks you.

You hesitate. For a while, you don’t ask if she’s okay because you both know she is not. You decide to give her time, space, everything she needs, everything she might want. You don’t question, don’t give her reason to feel uncomfortable. She goes straight to her room, mumbles a ‘goodnight’ and bolts past you, disappearing in the dark of the hallway. For a moment you remember that the two of you were supposed to watch a movie but you don’t give it a second though. 

It’s not until late at night that you can’t bear it any longer. You’ve known your feelings for a while now and it’s those feelings, that affection that has your insides wrenching at the thought of her crying. The mere image has you cringing. You want to be there for her. For a long time, you hadn’t known what it means to be there for someone anymore but now, now you just want to be there, for her. You would have gone there nevertheless. Damn the feelings, damn these walls of yours. You’ve put them up, you’ll tear them down yourself. But you’ll be a friend. You won’t sit and listen to her muffle her cries and sob into her pillow. Not when you want to take her hand and tell her that, no matter what it is, she can push through because you know she’s strong. Beautiful and strong.

When you finally push yourself up and scramble out of your bed, it’s really cold in the house. You check your clock and it says 3 am. You shudder and hurry to the turn the heating on then put on a kettle and head towards her door. You know she heard you leave your room and she can hear your walking towards her own because her cries subside for a few moments and you can hear her trying to stop herself. You don’t want her doing that so you quicken your pace and immediately knock when you reach her door. 

She opens the door and it takes her exactly one glance in your direction, one meeting of your eyes, to start crying all over again. The tears start spilling down her cheeks and a pained, heart-wrenching sob escapes her and you don’t hesitate anymore, you reach out and take her arms, wrap them around your neck and slide your own hands to her waist, pulling her close and tight against yourself. You can feel her stiffen for a couple of moments but then she wraps her arms tightly around you, so tight you think you’ll stop breathing, buries her nose in the crook of your neck and she cries, for more than you want to remember. 

You stand there, no longer aware of the time of the night, or the cold still mildly present around you, or the faint glow of the street lights cascading through the window of her room. You don’t care that you’re standing in nothing but your sleeping shorts and your old Led Zeppelin t-shirt and she’s pressed so close that it almost feel as if you can feel the very fibre of her being. Your head feels empty but for the first time in a while, your heart feels full.

When her sobs become less frequent and slowly turn into sniffles and an occasional unintelligible murmur, the sound of the kettle and the water boiling inside it brings your attention to the intimacy of the moment you’ve just shared. You haven’t given it any thought, you just lunged in and held her close because it was the right thing to do, it felt necessary, you needed to let her know that, if no one else will and if she’s willing to accept it, you’ll hold her. You don’t move an inch, you let her decide when it’s time to let go and she does, a minute or so after the kettle starts all but whistling. When you pull back after she’s left your embrace, you can’t really look up at her. There’s a weight on your chest that’s not supposed to be there and you’re pretty sure your cheeks have grown warmer but you feel her place a hand on your cheek and you can’t not look up.

When your eyes meet, it all comes crashing down on you.

You don’t just want to hold her because it feels necessary, you don’t want to be her support because it’s the right thing to do. You want it because for the first time in over a year, you feel the need to let someone know that your heart has become warm again and is ready to finally open itself up and share what you thought was dead inside. You have feelings for her, feelings that you thought you’d never feel again, emotions that have been coursing through you and grew stronger with every day you spent close to her. Needing to be there, wanting to offer her support - it’s selfish, in a way, because it’ll make you feel better, warmer, happier, if you can make her happy again. 

“Thank you, Korra.” Her words stir you out of your thoughts as fast as her eyes have thrown you in them and you smile, really smile. 

“Come on, we need some tea.” You murmur and rub the back of your neck when her hand falls away from your cheek.

“At this hour?” She cocks her head and you swear even Naga isn’t this cute.

“When else?” You smile again and boldly, much bolder than you’d thought you would be, you take her hand and lead her out into the living room. “Get on the couch, I’ll grab our tea and we can just sit here a bit until you think you’re ready to try and get some sleep, kay?” 

“I-”

“Just get on that couch and wrap yourself up, please, the heating is just starting to work.” You mumble and point towards the couch, nodding with a smile.

She huffs out a quiet laugh and mumbles an ‘ok’. 

It’s serene and you don’t mind one bit. You get the tea ready and it gives you a few moments to contemplate what you’ve come to realize just recently. You thought it would bother you, maybe even worry you. But not in the least. For a change, you welcome he feelings that are surfacing. But, you know this is not the time or the place to think about your feelings so you just go on with your work and hurry back into the living room when you’re finished. Some other, less sleepless night. 

You barely manage to reach the couch when she speaks.

“My mom died today.” 

“Asami, y-”

A wave of sadness washes over you and you try to interrupt her, try to tell her she doesn’t need to say anything. You’re happy to just sit and be there for her, whether or not she wants to tell you anything. But she turns to you and waves you off with a smile so you nod and sit down next to her, scooting closer when she offers you the blanket. 

“She died on this day, sixteen years ago. I was a seven year old kid who had a mom one moment and then she was gone, forever.” She sighs and pulls her knees to herself. “I wish I could forget but that day will be in my memory forever and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” 

You want to reach out, take her hand and tell her that it’s okay to remember her, okay to be sad, but somehow, you find yourself thinking how you’re not exactly the right person. You still grieve over the things that happened to you, and it’s been quite a while. 

“We were home alone, the two of us, dad was on a business trip and wasn’t supposed to come back until the next day. It was getting late and she told me to head upstairs, she was gonna go lock the front door and turn off the lights but… I knew something wasn’t right.” She hugs her knees closer to herself and takes a deep breath before closing her eyes and continuing. “I guess she figured out someone was in the house. She waited until I was all the way upstairs before going to lock the door. I guess he ambushed her on her way back to the living room. He…”

She’s struggling, you know it, and it’s hard, so hard to speak. You reach out, hesitantly, and place a hand on her knee, hoping to meet her eyes and somehow tell her, with nothing but a look, that it’s okay. You’re there. But she doesn’t look up, she only sighs and continues speaking though her voice becomes a little thicker and slower as she occasionally stops to take a deep breath.

“I didn’t hear a single thing but when she didn’t come upstairs in twenty minutes, and even after I called her a couple of times, I went back downstairs. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t. The… The room was too dark, the lights were turned off and I didn’t know where I was going until I bumped into a chair. When I moved to turn on the light, I stepped into s-something,” She stutters and you squeeze your hand above her knee, “When I turned on the lights, I knew. I just knew that it had to be b-blood. I didn’t want to turn around but I, I h-had to. I knew if I did, I’d cry. I could feel it, Korra. I knew something bad had happened but I never thought I’d see my mother, lying in a pool of her own blood, on our living room floor.” 

You bow your head and feel a few tears slide down your cheeks. You could never understand what it feels like, you’re lucky to have both your parents, but it still hurts. You still feel for her, it saddens you so much that a person as wonderful as her had to go through such a torment. 

“But you know, I wouldn’t be this sad, really. I’ve gotten over it. I cried and cried, I grieved for years. I’ve grown enough to know that it had to have happened. And the guy was caught eventually. Turned out she managed to stab him in the eye with a pen before he actually killed her and you know for what? For her wallet and a couple of things from a safe we had in my dad’s office. He could have just asked, she would have given it all to him. But I’m not grieving anymore. I’m sad but, I know she did it all to protect me and… and I was over it. But my dad-” A sob escapes her and you look up, tearing up again when you see her crying. She tries to wipe away the tears but they keep on coming and you really wish you could say something, anything, to make it feel better, but all the words you could say would never be enough to stop the pain. Maybe just lessen it but - what good does that do? 

“I saw my dad today. For the first time since I moved out of my house.” She huffs out a laugh through her tears, “You know why I moved out?”, just as another sob escapes her and you reach over, not a trace of doubt in you, and brush your palm over her cheek, making her turn her head and look at you.

“Hey, it’s okay. You really don’t need to, you know, tell me anything. If it makes you feel better, we can just sit here in silence.” 

“No, I… I want you know. I need to tell you, I…”

“Alright.” You smile and brush her cheeks again before leaning back and feeling your own cheeks growing warmer. It may have been rash and bold, but it made you feel like you helped, just a little. And she seems calmer so you pull your legs underneath you and settle a bit more comfortably so you’re facing her.

“I’m not  _ normal _ , he said. I’m just delusional. Lying to myself to get attention. It’s just a phase, I’ll grow out of it. I’m sick. Unless I get better, the company will not be mine. I need to get treatment. Until I get better, I shouldn’t… I… That’s what he said to me, the day I moved out. I’m sick, because I’m bi. I’m not normal, because I-”

You try to suppress it but a sob escapes you nonetheless and she glances at you, pulled out of her thoughts and stares at you for a moment before turning away and burying her face in her hands. 

“I can’t help it, I don’t want to!” She cries out and you scramble in your seat until you’re right there, next to her, and you slide your arms around her, all of her, and pull her tightly against yourself, leaning your head on hers. 

“You don’t- Asami that’s alright, you’re not- He- It’s okay to be whatever you want to be!” You mumble through her cries, completely forgetting why you started crying in the first place and you squeeze her even tighter in your embrace, intent on conveying every little emotion you have inside you and trying to let her know that she is who she is and that’s ok. It’s more than okay, it’s perfect. Because she, or anyone else, should never be ashamed of who they are. “You are perfect the way you are, don’t doubt that. Who you fall in love with is none of anyone’s business and no one,  _ no one _ , can tell you that it’s not alright to like this or that person. Attraction, sexual or any kind, is not something that anyone can choose for you. Or tell you how it should be. There is no  _ should _ and  _ have to _ , there’s you and your feelings and those are the only things that matter. The way you feel and what you know of yourself.” Your words are clear and you don’t waver, not once, as you hold her close. Only then do you notice you’ve been rubbing your hand gently across her back and she’s stopped crying, her head is lodged in the crook of your neck and she’s only sniffling, occasionally. You tilt your head to the side for a moment and start to pull away but her arms are wrapped tight around your waist, you don’t even remember feeling them there, and she grips tighter, so you relax and decide to stay there, embracing her, for as long as she’ll need it.

“He told me my mom would never approve of me being, I quote,  _ this way. _ He said she’d denounce me, think of me as a monster that I am. He told me all that at the graveyard today, and he didn’t even have the decency to let me stand there in silence. I… I’m sorry Korra, for all of this. I-”

“Asami, it’s ok. More than. I’m sorry that you had to go through that, all of that.” You speak softly, as you pull back a little when she loosens her grip. “I don’t mind listening, if you want to tell me. I… I’m here for you.” 

She sniffles again and looks up, meeting your eye and for a moment you feel really,  _ really _ nervous because she’s so close and you can feel the warmth radiating from her body and her breath on your chin. She leans up and those same lips that you’ve got memorized in your head press against your jaw before she leans her head down on your shoulder and tightens her embrace once again. If your heart hasn’t beaten its way out of your chest by now, you’re pretty sure it will, at some point, tonight. 

“Thank you Korra.” She murmurs.

You pull her closer and rest your head atop of hers, and contemplate returning that kiss. You know your feelings are a blur right now, but it’s a pleasant warmth inside your chest and for the first time in a long,  _ long _ time, you can say that you’re feeling something other than emptiness. 

“Always.” The word slips out of your mouth before you even realize what you’ve said,  and for a moment you want to say something else, say that you didn’t mean it that way and that what you really meant to say was that you’ll gladly listen to her whenever she wants to tell you something and it’s not a problem but - you  _ really  _ do mean always. You wouldn’t mind doing this, holding her, knowing that you can support her, that you are her rock, even if it is only for tonight. If it’ll help in getting her smile, you’d gladly do it every night. The void inside you feels smaller each time you feel her take a breath against your chest and in turn, you feel your own chest grow warmer. And you don’t mind. 

But you’ll return that kiss another time. Maybe you’ll both be sad, maybe she’ll be holding you. Maybe neither of you will be sad and all of this will be a distant memory. One day.  

When the beating of her heart evens out and her breathing becomes shallow you pull back and let her lean down against the couch. You study her features, take in the curve of her neck, the way her hair cascades down her shoulder and the way her eyes seem so tired even when they’re closed. You learn it all, commit her face to your memory as if you’re afraid you might wake up tomorrow and forget all about her. 

But you know that’s damn near impossible now that your thoughts consist of her at least fifty percent of the time. 

You smile and wipe at your cheeks, brushing away what’s left of your tears before you reach down, slipping your arms underneath her, one behind her back and one below her knees, you lift her up in your arms and make your way towards her room. It’s funny, how well she fits in your arms and how… familiar it feels. It might be a cold November night but for you, it feels like summer. When her nose touches the skin on your neck it sends goosebumps down your spine, and when she reaches up and wraps her arms around your shoulders, you don’t really want to let her go.

Not now, not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy the angst? Don't worry, there's more coming. The next chapter is pure angst as well, and the last one is just fluff and steam, if you know what I mean ;)


	3. Jackie and Wilson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone! Last chapter coming up in a couple of days :)

It’s been a long day. A lingering, disgustingly long day in a horrendous, everlasting week. And this month’s no good either. 

You’re craving a hot shower, maybe even a bath, but you can’t really afford to lose all that time. You still have papers to work on and assignments to deal with and you’re way,  _ way _ behind with everything. College tends to get a bit busy this time of year, with Christmas fast approaching and finals happening all around. December isn’t your favourite time of year, but you’re pushing through. Still standing.

You try to study as much as you can, even though biology and chemistry aren’t really your strong points. You’ve had finals in almost every subject for the past two weeks and you can’t remember the last time you sat down and had a cup of tea. It vexes you more and more with each day that you’re losing yourself in all this work and it’s starting to make you feel horrible about what you’re doing. About the college you chose, the things you’re studying, what you want to become. It’s turning you into this guilt ridden machine because that’s all you’re doing right now. You’re just pushing through, doing your best while surviving. All you want to do is just… just finish what you started. It’s not because you want it so much anymore, not because your dreams are finally coming true. No, it’s because this is something you wanted a long time ago and now it’s the only thing you still have left.

Your training sessions are becoming harder to work through every night. You’ve spent more time out of the water than you have inside it and, despite the fact that you’re not even working out, you’re feeling more and more tired with each passing night.Your every muscle aches and whenever you actually do get home and fall over in your bed, your whole body feels like it’s on fire. You know something’s not right, you can feel it whenever you stand up too quickly or bend over a little more suddenly than you’d planned. But you push the pain away, take some pills or three, which is way past your usual dosage, and you remind yourself that you just have to get through all of this and then it’s Christmas and you can just lay down and sleep for a couple of days. That means you have three more weeks of what’s slowly becoming torture and then you’re off the hook. Off of everyone’s hooks. 

You’re cranky and frustrated and the only thing that has you going is the thought that this’ll last for another year or two and then you’ll finally be able to actually do what you’ve always wanted to. A couple of rough patches in college won’t stop you from becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be. Even though you’re not exactly sure this is what you want to be anymore. 

The fact that you haven’t properly seen Asami in a week isn’t at all another reason for your grumpiness. Or at least you’re trying to tell that to yourself. But in reality, you really miss it. The morning ritual, the late nights, the conversations. Her voice, brilliant green eyes, accidental touches. It feels like that time after a breakup that you know all too well but you haven’t actually broken up. You can’t end something that doesn’t even exist, right? 

You still go to class together, it just doesn’t happen every day because she’s done all her finals a month ago and now she doesn’t even have to be at all her classes and you’re the lazy roommate who can’t be assed to get out of bed to study. In your defense, you’re just too tired. But you really,  _ really  _ miss her and whenever you actually get the chance to walk together with her, you’re reminded how warm and nice it makes you feel. She gets you feeling better just by being there. Her presence calms you and you almost forget about your pain. 

When you’d walked together to uni this morning she told you some silly joke about penguins that she heard at one of her classes and you laughed so hard that you almost coughed out all the coffee you’d just drank. Her cheeks were the reddest you’d ever seen them and at one point she even reached out and adjusted your beanie and it’s the warmest you’ve felt in months, and not because of the beanie. You couldn’t do much, the whole moment kind of stunned you, but you did manage to get her bagel out of the bag and you just shoved it clumsily in her mouth with a grin and watched as she laughed along with you. Her laugh is definitely something you really enjoy in the morning. Or any time of the day. When she pulled back she had this adorable little blush on her cheeks and she just shrugged and mumbled something to herself before you parted ways.

It felt really good. Really nice to feel so flustered and calm at the same time with this gorgeous person standing in front of you, blushing and stuttering. stumbling over her words. Especially when this gorgeous woman is Asami Sato, your roommate who - and you’re pretty sure about this by now - might be reciprocating your feelings just a little bit . The feelings that you may or may not have been neglecting and trying to postpone. 

But, as fate would have it, you really didn’t expect a day that started so good would end up so bad.

When you come back to the house you can barely walk because of the pain in your back. You just had to swim that one last lap, despite what the coach told you. You always did push yourself too hard.

You know you shouldn’t take another pill, you’ve already taken three today and that’s two more than you should but it hurts so bad and you still have a final in two days. And you can’t focus if you’re in pain. You need to study because this is professor Beifong we’re talking about and you really need at least a B in her class. 

As you drag yourself through the front door you immediately see the telltale signs of Asami working on something. Lights are off everywhere but her room and there’s faint sound of classical music coming from inside. You take a look at the clock on the wall as you shuffle out of your boots, which takes you much longer than you’d liked because bending over is really painful, but it’s already past ten in the evening and you really need to be in your room, trying to learn something from your own unintelligible notes. 

When you hang your coat on the hanger and head inside the kitchen Asami calls out and you’re just vaguely aware of it. It sounds more like a croak of a bird than an actual voice and you think somehow the pain you’re feeling is drowning out all and every sound around you. The kitchen shouldn’t be as blurry either. By the time you finally reach the cabinet where you keep your painkillers - ‘cause you have them all around the house, really - you’re holding onto a counter but you don’t even notice that the cabinet is somehow higher than you’re used to until you’re reaching up above your head and you still can’t get to it. And then there’s that voice in the background, that croaking, messy sounds that resembles your name, but you can’t really tell. It’s fuzzy and distorted, as is your vision, in the dim light of your kitchen, until you finally realize something’s not right. Not at all. When it finally hits that you’re in the middle of passing out, you’re already on the ground and the room is spinning out of control. Until it’s not anymore and everything turns black. 

“Korra!” The sound of your name startles you and your eyes fly open the second you hear it. 

“Wha-” You look around, trying to adjust to the bright light shining from above and it takes you a couple of moments, until something comes into your vision and the blur finally begins to move. You blink a couple of times until it finally clears up and you can see Asami just above you, staring at you with so much worry in her eyes and maybe even tears just begging to spill over but the faint trace of light still shining brightly behind her head prevents you to see clearly.

“Korra, are you okay?” Asami asks and you’ve never heard her voice laced with so much gentleness. “Can you hear me?” 

“Y-Yeah,” You mumble after swallowing a lump in your throat. You try to sit up, push yourself using your hands but you’re not sure why you can’t exactly move them, it’s like there’s a rope around you that’s preventing you from moving. You meet her eyes again, “Wh-What’s going on?” 

“You tell me. How long have you been down here? Didn’t you just come back home ten minutes ago?” Asami mumbles and your line of vision starts shifting. 

It’s only then that you realize she’s really close to you, her face so near your own, but her arms are also wrapped tightly around your waist and when you’re finally sitting up she pulls back a little and looks at you.

“I think you passed out,” She mumbles with a frown, “Have you been pushing yourself too hard?” 

“What? No-” 

“Korra.”

“No, I just, I wanted to get a painkiller for my back and I must have slipped or something.” You try it, see if she’ll go along with it but then there’s a pang in your chest, guilt is faster than you’d expected. “I-”

“Hm?” She’s looking at you with questioning, curious eyes and you can see the crease in her brow the longer you wait to answer.

“I guess I passed out?” You say with a sigh and try to shuffle out of her arms but her hold on you tightens as she speaks.

“So you  _ are _ pushing yourself too hard?” Her eyes feel like they’re burning a hole through you but they’re still so green, so blissfully colorful it almost pains you that she’s all but glaring at you. “And what’s this about your back?” 

“I-” You can feel your confidence waver. 

You don’t want to lie to her. Not that you can’t, you could say something and it’d be a lie and she’d go along with it for your sake because that’s who she is but you really don’t want to lie to her. You never have until now and you don’t plan on starting. Maybe you’ve built your walls up real high but she’s managed to sneak her way around, and now it feels like she’s smashing them from within because just looking at her makes you feel warm again. Safe and content in ways you haven’t been in a while. So what if she tears down a couple of walls? You were meaning to let her in eventually, anyway. You would have told her that her eyes sparkle and it makes your heart soar. And that the sound of her voice is your comfort. And that the warmth of her touch, no matter how fleeting and accidental they have been so far, it makes you feel like you’ve come home after a long trip. You were gonna tell her anyway. When all of this college crap is over and there’d be nothing there to stop you from doing all of the things you’d like to be doing. 

You look to your side for a moment and take a long, deep breath, before your eyes meet hers again and that’s all it takes. One look, to unravel you completely. One more time getting lost in the green valley of her eyes before you decide that it’s time. You’re finally moving on, towards someone, something. You’re going to stop running away.

“Can we move to the couch? After I take a pill? My back still hurts but I…” You hesitate for one last moment but feel her squeeze your shoulder in earnest, “I want to tell you something.”

It’s been too long. Since the accident, since Vicky. And it’s been such a short amount of time since Asami. Since she came crashing into your life with those bright green eyes and her warm smile and it’s been too long and this need to finally open a door, let some sunshine in - it’s not in the least bit sudden. 

Asami squeezes your shoulder once more and moves back with a smile and a nod as she helps you stand up, making sure that you’re stable on your feet. Or at least as stable as you can be because you’re feeling awfully wobbly as you reach into the cabinet and grab a pill. Asami’s already got your water poured in a glass and she offers it when you slip the pill in your mouth. While you’re drinking you notice how her eyes never leave yours and her hand is close to your own on the kitchen counter and it reminds you all over again that  _ this _ \- you deserve it. You want it and she… She might? 

When both of you settle down on the couch she’s a bit further away than you’d expected but she scoots closer when you lean back, smiles at you and leans back against the couch so that she’s facing you. But before you actually manage to start saying anything she opens her mouth, gaping at you for a moment before speaking.

“You do know you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, right?” 

It warms your heart because she’s so kind and her affections don’t require a repay. She’s just… Kind because she wants to be.

You nod and close your eyes with a sigh. “So you know I’m studying to be a PE teacher or well, anything that’ll have to do with exercise science and health and just really, teaching people how to make yourself healthier through exercise, right?” 

Asami smiles wider and nods before you continue.

“And you know I do swimming. Most people stray away from it because it’s really straining and your body gets defined in a certain way,” You pull back with a sheepish grin and point at your shoulders, “Hence these are so wide,” And then at your abdomen, “And that’s why these are relatively rock hard. They used to much better but uh,” You get lost in your words when you notice a faint blush in Asami’s cheeks. But she waves you off and you clear your throat. “Anyway, I always wanted to be a PE teacher. I love exercising. I love running around and lifting weights and jumping, I really love swimming because the water’s freeing and somehow when I’m inside everything else fades out and it’s just me and the flow and it’s wonderful.”

Asami stares at you with such wonder in her eyes and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear which, thankfully, pulls you out of your daze. She’s very distracting, which is something you’ve come to realize recently. 

“I’m twenty-four,” You say and she nods. “Four years ago, I wanted the same things, with a couple more on the side.” You sigh because - this is it. You’re going to tell her how fucked up you are and you can’t know for certain she’ll even want to live with you, let alone…

“I was part of swimming team but… Not like I am today. Not as someone who trains with them but never actually goes anywhere, competes or anything. Four years ago though, I was the star of the team. I was so much more, Asami. I was the best in the States, one of the youngest people to ever join an Olympic team, even if a junior one. I had a future, a really fucking great one, once. I had everything I could have dreamed of.” The swear word slips out of your mouth and you don’t even wince. You’re still bitter, you know, but you want to tell her everything. Her eyes are still glued to yours and there isn’t a trace of anything but curiosity and warmth in them.

“I had a really good life back then. A great family, which I still have and I’m grateful for them, so much. I had amazing friends, who were with me every step of the way, cheering me on and supporting me. And I… I had a girlfriend.” You glance at her just to see if she’ll react in any way but she remains calm so you decide to continue. “Vicky. We went to the same high school and I guess one thing led to another and we got together, first year of college. We’d been together for a little over a year when I-” There’s a sudden flash of images in your mind, the wreck, the burning smell you can still feel in your mind, the pain and the screams. But then Asami reaches over and places her hand atop of your own and the thoughts disperse, leaving only the two of you there. 

“You ok?” She asks, leaning over ever so slightly to look into your eyes.

“Y-Yeah, just… memories.” You sigh and rub the back of your neck. “I had an accident. Three months before the Spring Junior Olympics. I was walking back home after a movie with Vicky, I’d just walked her home and some jerk just had to cross a red light and the last thing I remember was the hard metal of his pick-up slamming into me from the side and just… everything snapping.” 

Asami gasps and pulls her hand to her mouth, tilting her head to the side, but you can hear her muttering a quiet ‘jerk’ and a smile escapes your lips. You turn your hand up and your palm presses against her own .”It’s ok,” You mumble, “I- I’m ok now.” 

“But you weren’t.” Asami mumbles and you really want to grab her and pull her into your arms, more so because you know you’ll need the warmth when you tell her the rest, but you don’t reach out. You sit there, staring at her with a smile, waiting for her to calm down again.

“A lot of stuff got broken. I don’t like the numbers, they sound horrible so I’ve always said it was about half of me ‘cause- I couldn’t feel my legs anymore.” Asami gasps again and you see tears brimming in her eyes. “Not forever, obviously.” You try to joke but she’s staring at you with a really sad look so you decided it’s been you hurry with your story. “It took me months to even want to leave the bed. A bit over half a year after the accident, Vicky managed to get me to leave the bed, and my room. She… She was there every step of the way. Ever therapy session, every talk with all my doctors, after every surgery,” You sigh, “And I had about five of those. She was there for all of it.”

Asami’s got a faint smile on her lips now but you can see the frown forming.

“It took me two years to fully recover. Or what could be fully after such an accident.” You look away, not wanting to have to see Asami’s face when you tell her things. “My body was okay. I could walk again, jump, run, even… even swim. Never the way I could before but I was lucky, right?” 

“No.” Asami interrupts and the sharpness of her tone startles you, to the point that you actually look up to meet her eyes. “That’s not luck. That shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I-” 

“It’s okay Asami. I’m okay.” You sigh and grasp at her hand again, entwining your fingers with her own. It takes you a moment to realize what you’ve done and you blush because of it but you don’t pull away and neither does she “I wasn’t okay for a long time but I am now. It took me two years to have my body functioning again but my mind… I was still in a very bad place even two and a half years later. I was sad, angry and in despair, all at the same time. I couldn’t help but wonder why it had to be me, what did I deserve to have it happen to me. I neglected everyone for a long time, pushed everyone, even Vicky, away. But she kept coming back, even after everyone else already left. I was so angry all the time, so mad and then I was sad for hours on end and she was always there. Somehow.” 

You feel your cheeks are wet and have no idea when you’d actually started crying but Asami is too and you don’t really want her to cry, not because of what you’re saying because you’re not that person anymore. You’re all better now. You’re okay. 

“I went back one day, to that same street. She was with me and we spent a couple of hours just sitting there, talking. It really helped me. I can’t explain it, but it made me feel better. I was better after that and things started looking up. I started studying real hard again, I even went back to swimming and Vicky and I, we were better than ever.” 

Asami squeezes your hand and from the corner of your eye you see her wiping away tears. You squeeze back before taking a deep breath and continuing. 

“About a year and a half ago I started looking for a roommate ‘cause we didn’t wanna live together yet, it seemed like a step we said we’d take later. But… A year ago she broke up with me. And I… I- She- I was broken. It broke me. Even now I think it hurt more than the accident, more than all the pain I felt after each surgery, more than any pain I could ever feel. I still don’t understand it, Asami, after everything we’d been through, after she was there for me in the lowest of my moments, in every dark second of my depression and all my panic attacks she- she just left. Just like that.”

It’s not until you feel warmth envelop you do you realize that Asami’s scooted all the way over and she’s got her arms wrapped tight around you, she’s mumbling something in your shoulder and rubbing a hand over your arm.

“She just… left. Everything. Me, all that we built up, every day we spent together, our future, every single dream. Three years of, of- Three years. She said she was going away, to study somewhere in Europe and that she- that she forgot to tell me but she knew all along she’d eventually leave. You know it didn’t hurt so much that she left but that she was there, with me when I was going through all of that and not once, not once did she plan on telling me that she was leaving. That every single stupid thing I ever planned the two of us would be doing could ever actually happen because she… It broke me.”

You can hear Asami sniffling in your shoulder, the touch of her warm hands wrapped tightly around you and the scent of her jasmine shampoo swirling around you. It’s all so pleasant and warm, you just want to drown in her touch and it doesn’t feel weird that you’re nothing more than a couple of people living together, sharing the same space, and you’re telling her all this. It feels… right.

“Ever since then, every day’s been the same. I lost one thing, then I lost another and pretty much everything’s been a bleak, empty greyness for the past year or so. I did everything I had to, but not ‘cause I wanted to but I had to. I’m still doing everything ‘cause I have to but I’m not sure what it is that I want anymore. And then you come over and you’re the first person that actually wanted to live with me, that didn’t just look at me as some weirdo who walks around in her pajamas all day. Even though I do.” 

Asami doesn’t really managed to suppress a snort at your words and when she pulls back, she’s rubbing her nose and smiling at you. 

“Is this the part where you tell me how I’m this amazing woman who came into your life and swept you in her arms - ‘cause I totally literally did tonight - and everything’s changed since then?” Asami quirks her head and asks you with her hands in her lap. 

“I… Kinda. Yeah. I do.”  You admit, brashly. 

The extent of your own courage amazes you. It wasn’t your intention to say anything about your own feelings, at least not in this manner, not so casually and boldly but now the words are out there and you can’t really do much about it. You look into her eyes, as if you’re challenging her to say something and she looks like she’s pretty much taken aback.

“Oh.” Her cheeks have been a faint red all through the night but now they’re pretty much a very deep crimson and you can’t help but notice how fast her heart’s beating - you do have her hands in your own, you can feel her pulse - and she’s looking at you with those warm eyes of hers, in a way you never thought you’d see. “I… I wasn’t planning on it.” She murmurs with a smile and squeezes your hands. “I didn’t come here expecting to get close to you or anything. It just… I think I- You- Ugh.” She groans and slips out of your grasp, hiding her face in her hands. It’s got to be the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

You smile before you gently reach out and grasp her wrists in your hands, tugging softly so you can look at her. “It’s ok. I’m confused as well. Very confused.” You offer with a sheepish smile, barely able to form those few words because her cheeks are still so red and you want to touch them but then your gaze falls down to her lips, if only for a moment, and suddenly you want to kiss her cheeks and her lips, touch more of her and pull her in your arms and all those things that you haven’t felt in a very long time. 

She’s looking at you but she’s got a smile tugging at her lips and when she speaks, her voice is back to its usual tone. “I know we’ve known each other for a really short time. I mean what, October wasn’t even two months ago and here I am, just- Yeah, you’re right. I’m confused. And kind of… I just feel like I know you. And I want to know you. I want to know more about you.” She says and slowly scoots over, brushing her knee against yours. “And about us. This. Whatever there is between us, I want to explore it.”

“I just really want to take you out on a date.” You mumble, more to yourself than to her but it comes out a bit louder than expected and you slap your hand across your mouth hastily. This part of you hasn’t been here for so long, you actually forgot what a loudmouth you could be. “Fuck, I-” 

“I’d like that.” Asami interrupts.

“Oh. You would?” 

“Very much, yes.” 

She’s got a smile the size of the sun and her eyes are bright again, so light and warm and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t look away. But you don’t want to anyway, not any time soon. 

Not if you can help it. 


	4. Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter. There's a few things you need to know about it before you start reading.  
> 1.) It's long.  
> 2.) It's very fluffy.  
> 3.) Someone tries to chop a tree.  
> 4.) It's steamy.  
> Enjoy!

You used to love Christmas. All the stupid songs, the way every store seemed to put up decorations two months early and the damned tree and everything. It felt as if you could always feel the “magic” of it around you and you always willingly participated. You’d go home, bake cookies with your mom, decorate the house with your dad, go buy presents and try your best at wrapping them. But that was a long time ago.

These past couple of years hadn’t exactly treated you nice and all things considered, it’s a wonder you’ll even leave the bed on Christmas. A year ago you barely managed, solely because of the fact that your mom and dad called you and demanded you get out since they’re in front of your house and couldn’t stand you being in bed any longer. You really wish they hadn’t, though, because it was the only place that seemed to be able to shield you from everything you didn’t want to see, remember or hear and that Christmas really wasn’t nice. Despite their best efforts you spent the day moping around, bursting out in tears every couple of minutes and sobbing on your mother’s shoulder whenever a girl with black hair would pass you by.

When you think about it, you used to like holidays until Vicky happened. She always managed to make you grumpy and despite how much she loved you or how big your love for her was, Christmas, or any holiday for that matter, was never quite what you expected.

This year it might just be different.

Your parents decided they’d stay at home, what with Naga there with you and the fact that you actually started calling them on a weekly basis. You mom even asked about Asami and it kind of caught you off guard because apparently, you’d been talking about her all the time. Your dad even asked how your girlfriend was and you managed to spit out the sip of coffee you’d just taken because they figured, since you talk so much about her, she must be your girlfriend, right?

You denied everything, of course. Despite the nagging feeling in your head and the fact that you kind of wished you could say ‘yeah, my girlfriend Asami’.

Things between you and Asami have been… different, to say the least.

You don’t know what to make of the relationship - if that’s what you can call it - the two of you share right now. You know enough about her to know what every single frown of hers means, and she knows exactly how you feel when you sigh a certain way. You’re not just close, you’re so intimately in each other’s lives that it’s almost painfully obvious how much you care about each other. But you’re both so hesitant, so afraid. It’s crossed your mind a couple of times that she’s just like you and it both frightens and excites you.

You know you’d tell her how you feel if nothing could go wrong but there’s her dad and her circumstances and your insecurities and the fear of rejection and every little stupid thing that you could possibly imagine forcing you not to say anything about how wonderful you think she is and how fast your heart starts beating whenever she’s around.

You know she knows. Things like that are hard to ignore and it’s not like she’s actually trying to deny her own feelings.

She has that look in her eyes, the ‘I know, I feel it too’ look which you share more often than not. Whenever she hands you your cup of coffee and your fingers brush against each other, or your knee presses tightly against hers when you’re sitting next to each other, watching a movie. There’s so much damned tension in the air you feel like you’ll burst if something doesn’t happen soon. But it’s intoxicating, invigorating how good it makes you feel to be this nervous about something again. It makes you feel so much better about yourself because you know you’re feeling again, you’re moving away from the pit of despair you’ve been keeping yourself in. And you’re moving towards something, towards someone who never fails to smile whenever you look her way.

It’s just that - so much could go wrong.

You’re afraid. You’re terrified because whenever she looks at you it’s like your heart has moved up into your head and suddenly everything’s blurry and fuzzy, thumping and loud and it takes you a couple of moments to collect yourself. And even when you do, if she so much as quirks an eyebrow or, god forbid, smiles - which in fact is something you’d give so much for - you’re out of your element and nothing can help you. It’s like you grow wings and suddenly someone’s pushing you off a cliff and you don’t hesitate for a moment, you open them and fly and - that’s what her smile does to you. What _she_ does to you.

It’s stupid, really, the way she makes you forget about every little scar you’ve ever felt was etched underneath your fingertips. Without saying a word she can make you question every single fear you’ve ever conceived in your head and it’s those things that make you scared of loving her. But it’s those same things that make you fall for her, over and over, and as much as you deny it, you know it’s true.

You’ve known for a while you like her. At least for a month now, and you’re more than sure she shares the sentiment. Friendship seemed to come easy to both of you, despite everything you’ve been through. The hardships you two have behind you only managed to bring you together and on a weird level, it makes you happy. There’s not a single thing you’d change about her, and whatever anyone else might think, she’s nothing short of wonderful. From the way she looks to the way she thinks, and feels - she’s just… She leaves you speechless. You find yourself thinking about something you need to do and then she walks by or brings over a cup of tea with a smile tugging at her lips and your thoughts disperse within seconds. And then she hands you the cup and your fingers brush against her own and you both linger, savoring the touch, but neither actually doing anything and you can almost feel your skin bristle with need.

You know you’re both afraid and often you think it’s because of the same things.

She’s been hurt before, badly. She has scars as deep as the ocean and her heart needs mending, it needs love and warmth and you’re not sure your broken little self can offer what she needs. And you know she deserves all that and so much more. But you’re not sure you can give her that. Deep down hope hasn’t left you but there’s so much doubt in your mind, so many thoughts clouding your every feeling and you’re not quite sure what you can and cannot give.

You’ve been contemplating for days what you’ll do on Christmas and deep inside you hope she’ll be around. You know the tension might just kill you but you really want to have her around, close to you, maybe even hold her for a while, in whatever stupid situation that might arise. Just… You just want to be closer than you’ve been and if Christmas can bring you that, you’ll gladly accept.

It’s Christmas eve and as wonderful an idea as it was to get a giant tree, Bolin’s idea of a ‘nice little Christmas tree’ was obviously far more different than the one you originally had. You’ve been trying to get it to fit the low ceiling of your living room for hours and Asami’s probably said ‘for fucks sakes’ at least twenty times by now.

It’s a new side of her that you’re totally loving. It makes you chuckle each time she does it but then she glares at you and your heart both freezes and melts because she’s just too attractive for her own good. Being around her has been a torture of many sorts, but mostly the good kind because you haven’t stopped breathing in short, quick bursts and your heart’s been pounding for a while now. Occasionally you bite your lip when she lifts up her arms and her silly, giant Christmas sweater pulls up, revealing her toned, sleek abdomen that sends tremors down your spine.

So she works out, she’s astonishingly attractive, stupidly gorgeous and utterly wonderful, inside and out. Doesn’t mean you _have to_ fall in love with her, right? Or maybe you already have and that stupid “crush” you’ve been trying to push away has grown way out of control. Or maybe it was love at first sight but it’s taken you this long to figure it out. You’re beginning to think it’s all three.

But you still tell yourself you can’t fall in love with someone you’ve known for less than three months. It’s stupid and irresponsible and mostly just improbable. You’re the type of person who would usually do that, yes, you’re impulsive and you never think about what you’re doing until you’ve already done it but - you’ve learned from the past what love can bring and you’re trying real hard to be cautious. You feel like you need to know a person, really _know_ them to be able to love them. But then you think about how much you miss her when she’s not around or how you’d really love sleeping with her wrapped in your arms and the way your heart throbs at that makes you think that there’s something either really wrong with you or you’re just too far gone in this whole ‘no, i’m not in love with my roommate who i’ve known for a little over two months’ thing. You try to shield yourself from the feelings, once you even tried not talking to her but those couple of hours made you feel like the biggest idiot ever and you spent them being really sad and now that you think about it, it’s far too late to look back and question your feelings. The more you think about it, the more obvious it becomes.

You’ve fallen for her.

She’s managed to worm her way inside your heart, now she’s all that you can think about and your walls are crumbling down whenever she’s near. All you want to do is tell her that for the first time in a while, you’re really happy again. Despite the fact that she’s still just your roommate, you’re the happiest you’ve been in over a year, since Vicky left you, and that makes all the difference. She makes you feel this way and you know, eventually you’ll have to let her know. Or you’ll come to that point where you just have to let her go.

The mere thought makes you sad.

As you think that you can’t keep doing this, to her or yourself, something rough and wooden hits your head and as you look up with a yelp you notice Asami’s trying to push the tree in an upright position with a broom but she’s managed to smack you over your head in the process so it’s not like she’s making any real progress. A loud, booming laugh escapes you and she’s glaring at you but it’s too late now - you can’t help the outburst and before long you’re bending over, trying to stop yourself from laughing, but nothing’s helping. She stops what she’s doing and just stands there a couple of steps away, one hand on her hip and the other holding the damned broom with a frown on her face and her lips pursed in a thin line while you try to wipe away tears of laughter.

“I’m… I… I’m s-so sorry,” You wheeze out through your chortling and notice her eyes widen for a second. “Sami?” You mumble, finally straightening up and wiping away the remainder of your tears.

“Korra I-” The broom falls out of her hand as she takes a step towards you but stops in her tracks and her words die out on her lips.

“Hm?” You perk up with a smile, trying to smooth out the creases on your shirt while staring at you. It’s an old flannel you haven’t worn in years but it’s got reindeers and snowmen so you dragged it out of your closet with a snort earlier this morning.  

Asami takes another step towards you and as she does so, you become aware of how painfully close she actually is and how little it would take for you to reach out and pull her into your embrace. Just a lift of your arms and a curl of your fingers and she’d be pressed close to you, so close you’d be able to hear her heartbeat.

“Can I just-” Asami’s words fade out on her lips once more when she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and the mere sight of it sends a rush of emotions - and a couple of other things - through you.

“Wh-What is it?” You manage to mumble out while swallowing a lump in your throat and your lips suddenly feel drier than a desert.

Before you know it her hands have settled on your cheeks, cupping them so gently you can barely feel her, and she’s brushing away a few stray locks of your hair. Her eyes are set on yours but then her gaze flickers down and you’re sure she just looked at your lips so you let your tongue trail over one just barely and the deep, longing breath she takes when she looks back in your eyes tells you all you need to know to make that last step.

Turns out her sweater is pure wool and so, _so_ soft in your hands that when you pull her in your arms, you can’t help but linger and squeeze her sides just enough for her to jump a little and shudder. Then you slide them further around her, entwining your fingers at the small of her back. You feel the pressure of her hands and the way she urges you to look up and you’re not sure if there’s a measurement of time so short to describe how fast you tilt your head but when you do, you finally feel her lips brush against yours and there’s only one thought left in your mind when you close your eyes.

_Feels like home._

You don’t feel like letting go, not now, not any time soon and it seems to you she feels the same because when she pulls back moments later and you gasp for a little air, she immediately tugs you closer and presses her lips hard against yours, harder than the first time and you’re sure if you kept your eyes open, you’d be seeing stars.

Her lips are warm and dry and you think you’ve been thirsty for them all your life because they feel like an ocean after you’ve spent a year in a desert. She presses them roughly against yours, pulls, nibbles and sucks and it’s just what you need, what you love. But then she opens her mouth a little further and you feel the flicker of her tongue over your lips as her arms slip around your neck and suddenly you’re aware you weren’t just thirsty for her lips, you’ve been hungry and thirsty and aching for her kiss and her embrace and you all but throw her down on the couch that very moment. The last thread of awareness pulls at you and you stop yourself from doing that, afraid that you’ll push too far too soon.

When you finally pull back and she loosens her hold on you, the room feels a thousand degrees warmer and you’re pretty certain your heart’s never beaten this hard or this fast. You can feel it practically in every muscle of your body and when you open your eyes and feel her clouded gaze still on your lips, you can’t help the smile that spreads across them or the breathy words that escape you.

“That was…”

“Yeah,” She mimics, “I- I’m sorry if I assumed, I just, I really wanted to, I mean I…” She fumbles, with her arms still draped around you and lightly tugging the hair at the back of your neck.

You let her stumble for a while, both wondering and fearing what she wants to say. But you’re too afraid to say anything yourself and frankly, you’re still very much dazed by that kiss you just shared and everything you experienced is still coursing through you. But she’s turning redder by the second and she glancing around, rather nervously, so you decide it’s time to say something because she’s obviously not going to say whatever it that she needs out in the open.

“Hey,” You murmur, tilting your head up and pecking her lips once more, “Asami.” Your voice is gentle and calm, and you know you’ll say it all now or you’ll never think of it again because you can either walk away or hold on. You know you’ve always been one for taking risks so what’s another, right?

“Y-Yeah?” She mumbles, her eyes fixed on yours.

You swallow the lump in your throat, despite how certain you might be this is still nerve-wracking and you’ll need whatever confidence you can muster and find, no matter how deep inside you it might be.

“You didn’t assume. In fact, I- I’m glad you did that. I don’t know if I would have and I know I should have so yeah, I’m glad. And I wish- no, I hope we can do it again. Some time soon, yes, soon. And again. A couple more times. And maybe more? I really hope we can do more ‘cause I think-” You know you’re babbling, you always do when you’re this nervous and there’s nothing in your head but the booming of your heart but you know what you want to say and you’re going to, you just need a moment. A fragment of a second.

“I think I’ve fallen for you.” You finally manage to murmur out the words and as stupid as it may sound, you feel a couple of pounds lighter. But then her eyes widen and her lips turn in an ‘o’ and you’re pretty certain that, if your heart hasn’t beaten out of your chest by now, it surely will in the next couple of seconds.

“Y-You have?” She asks and if you weren’t as nervous, you’d probably think there’s a trace of hope in her voice.

“I… Yeah.” You say and nod.

“Then… It’s not j-just me?” She asks and this time you’re pretty certain there’s something different in her voice, the way she says it and the way her eyes flicker.

“Just you?”

“Fuck, Korra.” She mumbles and you’re slightly taken aback because you’re not yet used to this whole ‘cursing when nervous’ Asami. But still, it’s super cute. “Okay. I- I don’t know what to say.”

And there it is. What you’ve been fearing, what you wanted to avoid and yet again, managed to slam right into.

Rejection. Fear. Anguish.

“I understand, Asami.” You murmur and pull your arms away immediately. “It’s ok, don’t worry about it.” You say and as you try to pull away her hands slip down to the collar of your shirt and she tugs at it, pulling your attention back to her.

“No you- ugh, aren’t you listening?” She groans and slides her hands back to your cheeks, cupping the a little roughly but her smile makes you think she’s not trying to hurt you. “I feel the same way Korra.”

“What?” You’re pretty sure you’re not hearing right because if you were, then that’s not something she’d say. Or would it be?

“I… I’ve fallen for you. Like real bad. All butterflies and heart racing, stumbling and blushing and forgetting how to do words and actions and everything. I’ve fallen for you, Korra.”

If there ever was a moment that you thought you were the happiest, it’s been gruesomely overshadowed by this one. Because you can’t hear a single word from the thumping of your heart, there’s no feeling inside you but the feeling of her hands on your cheeks and the only image you can bare to see is her smiling face.

“Yeah..?” You manage to mumble, sliding your arms back to her waist.

“Yeah.” She says and pulls you close for another kiss, this one lasting on a couple of seconds before she pushes you back, “I mean it. You better mean it too ‘cause no take-backs.”

“No take-backs.” You say and tilt your head, press your lips to hers and sigh into the kiss.

_It feels like home_.

When you open your eyes ten minutes later you think the couch might be the comfiest place in the whole house because it’s warm and snuggly and for the first time she’s sitting on it but with her head pressed against your shoulder and her hand resting on your arm. Occasionally she looks up to meet your gaze and flutters her eyelashes with a smile tugging at her lips and you can’t help but lean down and kiss them because you know they taste wonderful and she is wonderful and wonderful seems to be the only word you can think of.

But then she clears her throat and you’re trying to pay attention to what she’s saying because you never want to miss a single word that comes out of her mouth.

“So… Korra.” She murmurs against your chest, rubbing her hand over your arms gently. “What now?”

You smile to yourself, “Now we fall asleep here because it’s very warm and you’re super cuddly and I don’t want to move because it feels kind of surreal and I’m afraid if I do anything to change this, it might just disappear.”

Asami chuckles, her voice barely audible, before you feel her press a light kiss to your chin. “Yeah, I kind of figured but, you know, what if I want to change something about us?”

“And what would you like to change?” You play along with her little word game, even though you know what she’s about to say. You’ve spent the past ten minutes cuddled up and kissing and you’re pretty certain you have the same idea.

“I don’t want this to just be a one time thing, Korra.” She murmurs and you know she’s really serious because her voice grows a little louder and she’s stopped rubbing her hand over your arm. “I… I want this to be an everyday kind of thing. I want you to-” You feel her take a deep breath before she speaks again, “Do you want to be with me? As in be _be_ with me, not be here I mean well yeah, be here but you know, as girlfriends?”

You smile at her words, suppressing a chuckle, “More than anything, Asami.” You murmur and press a kiss to her forehead when she tilts her head up, “Right now I just want to lay here with you in my arms and if that’s okay with you, I’d like to fall asleep with you in my arms. We don’t have to do absolutely anything but I just want you close.”

“That’s more than okay.” Asami murmurs and kisses your chin once more before a groan that escapes her lips startles you.

“What’s the matter?” You mumble as you tilt your head to meet her gaze.

“What are we gonna do with the tree?” She grumbles, gently pushing herself off of you, “I refuse to go to bed until this thing is decorated.” She waves a hand towards the tree that’s somehow slipped down the wall that you’ve precariously leaned it against. “We need a chainsaw.”

“What?” Your eyes widen when she stands up with both her hands on her hips.

“I wonder if the neighbours have one…” She mumbles while pacing around the living room. But then she suddenly turns to you with a grin, “Korra.”

“Asami.” You stare at her with a confused but amused expression.

“Do we have an axe?”

“Uh… I think so?”

“Where?”

“In the shed.”

“Aw yeah.” Asami clenches her fists and offers you a hand, dragging you up from the couch and pulling you into her embrace. “We’re gonna fix this right now.”

“Oh no. What are you planning Asami Sato?”

“Just get me that axe.” She mumbles and grabs both your jackets, leading you outside.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why?”

“Just… don’t.” She all but demands and it takes you aback how much force there is behind her voice.

But you don’t question her besides you’re already at the shed by the time she says those words so you duck inside and grab the small axe you know is there and quickly hurry your way back to the house with her by your side, holding your hand all through your endeavours.By the time you reach the house she’s taken the axe from your hand and she’s got a look in her eyes that you can’t really place anywhere but it looks disturbingly familiar…

When she approaches the tree and turns to you with a grin on her lips, you remember exactly where you’ve seen that look.

Every single horror movie ever where the bad guy is about to either a) kill someone or b) dismember someone.

You laugh out, half nervously half in amusement and she laughs together with you until she’s slamming the axe in the poor pine tree and chopping off parts in raucous laughter. You don’t really know whether to join her or just sit back and enjoy the obvious horror movie that you get to watch but eventually you decide on standing back up and joining her when she seems to be resting from chopping and you take the axe from her, not before placing a tender kiss to her cheek and nudging her shoulder which has her grinning again, and you try to mimic whatever it was she was doing until the stubborn tip of the tree finally falls off and now instead of one giant Christmas tree you have two of those pesky fuckers. She beams at you with the biggest smile she’s ever shown you and as soon as you place the axe away her arms are wrapped around your neck and you’re pulled into a tight, breathtaking embrace, with her lips peppering kisses everywhere on your face but returning to your lips after each kiss.

When she lets you go, a couple of minutes later, her cheeks are flushed and she’s breathing heavily because those light kisses started turning into something much, _much_ deeper and had you gone at it any longer, you’re not sure your legs would be able to hold your weight because your knees would probably buckle under the pressure of pleasure she’s managed to elicit in you.

She is now your girlfriend and you don’t hesitate to kiss her any longer but that also means she doesn’t hesitate either and boy has she taken that to another level. By the time both of you are in your pajamas and brushing your teeth - suddenly that’s something you find yourself doing alongside a blushing, giggling Asami - she’s pushed you up against the wall a couple of times and trapped your wrists in her hands, placing teasing, nibbling kisses to your neck. You don’t mind, but you’re starting to feel the familiar frustration and when you tell her that unless she wants to unleash a beast she’d better stop, her devious smirk makes you shudder even more.

You leave the bathroom before her and wait at your bedroom door, faced with a dilemma. When she comes out she’s wearing the same confused expression as you and before you can even ask your question, she’s already asking the same one.

“Your room or mine?” She murmurs, kind of timidly, and it makes your cheeks feel warmer because she looks so fragile and tiny in those silly boyshorts and a Pearl Jam t-shirt. You can’t help the dazed look when you glance over her frame.

“You like Pearl Jam?”

“Only a whole fucking bunch.” She says with a smile and reaches out for your hand. “Come on,” She murmurs, leading you towards the door. “You get to sleep in my bed tonight. Tomorrow it’s your bed, ok?”

“Yes ma-”

“Korra.”

“Sorry!” You yelp with a sheepish grin as she tugs on your hand and all but slams you against the nearest wall, pressing herself close to you and sliding her hands up to your face. When she kisses you you’re pretty sure you’re seeing stars when you close your eyes but there’s also something about this kiss that makes it all the better. You think it might have something with the whole ‘yes ma’am’ thing but you take a mental note to test that theory a bit later.

“You can push me away,” She mumbles against your lips, still cupping your cheeks, “If this is too much too soon.”

“I’ll let you know when I want to slow down.” You mumble and pull her bottom lip between her teeth, eagerly drawing it between your lips and suckling.

“Mmm, good, yeah… You do that. I- Oh!” She moans out when you slip your hands to her butt and squeeze carefully, “And here I was thinking I’m moving too fast.” She mumbles with a chuckle as she pulls back just enough to look at you.

“I’m sorry it’s just, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, that butt of yours has been driving me insane and now you show up in boyshorts and well what’s a girl supposed to do?” You mumble with a grin when she steps away and takes your hands, leading you towards the bed.

“Hold me tight and kiss me till I fall asleep?”

“Mhm, yup,” You hum as you both slip under the covers of her bed, “Sounds about right.”

“Well get on it then.” She murmurs and presses herself close to you, kisses you fiercely and lets you roll her over on her back and press yourself against her frame. “Always in control, hmm?” She murmurs and you nod while kissing her.

But then you pull back and lean on your elbow, staring at her, savouring the moment, and when you let yourself fall back and your head hits the pillow, you’re painfully aware of how tired you actually are. “Mm ‘Sami, I’m gonna fall asleep now, ok?” You say groggily, barely aware of the nickname you just used.

“Yeah, me too…” Are the words you hear before you drift off to sleep. The last thing you’re aware of is how wonderfully it feels to finally have your arms wrapped around her and how nothing’s felt this good in a long, _long_ time.

 

                                                                                                            **__  __  __**

 

You can’t remember the last time you enjoyed waking up. Ever since you were a child, mornings were your least favourite time of day and waking up never stopped being a nightmare. But then again, you’ve never been woken up quite like this.

It starts with a few light puffs of air that blow past your ear a couple of times, just barely so, and it’s so gentle that you actually think it’s some sort of breeze passing through the room. But then you feel warmth, pressure against your earlobe, followed with a touch of hot wetness and when you finally realize that Asami’s got her lips sealed around your earlobe and her tongue has brushed against it, you need a moment to deal with the wave of pleasure that sears through you. When you feel her lips move away you let out a sigh and tighten your grip around her, pulling her closer to yourself. She hums at this, pressing light kisses down to your shoulder and as you open your eyes she tilts her head, meeting your gaze, and she’s got a smile that could melt icebergs. It melted one already.

“Mmmmorning,” You murmur with a hum and smile back when she leans in and kisses you. “I could stand to wake up like this every day.” You say and slide your hands to the hem of her shirt, teasingly pulling at the fabric.

“Morning,” She whispers against your lips, between kisses, “Then I’ll make sure never to miss a chance to wake you up like this.”

“Never?” You grin and slip your hands underneath her shirt, gently pressing your hands into her skin, “That sounds better than a whole bunch of things.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” You murmur and trail a few sloppy kisses down to her chin.

She giggles when you bite her throat lightly and squirms a little when your fingers brush over her back so you do it again, and again, until she’s a giggling, blushing mess straddling you with her legs on each side of you. She’s got a devious grin on her face and her hands pushing against your wrists, holding them in place above your head. When she leans down and captures your lips in a searing, almost bruising kiss, you know it’ll take some otherworldly force to keep you away from her.

“Korra…” She murmurs, her lips brushing against yours, “I…”

You don’t let her finish that sentence. Within seconds you flip her over and you’ve got her pinned down, staring hungrily at you with her eyes lidded and her lips parted, her tongue brushing over her bottom lip. When you slide your hand down her front and push her legs apart just enough so you can ease yourself between them, she lets out a long, throaty moan and arches up as your hips press into her own. Your lips find her neck in a moment and you kiss, lick and bite as much as you can before her hands slide down to your ass and she grabs you, squeezing and eliciting a series of groans from you.

“I want to feel you…” You mumble against her skin as you press more of those wet, hot kisses up to her chin, “Your skin… You… I want to feel you Asami…” The words leave you along with a couple of breathy moans when you feel her nails dig into your skin but you manage to tug at her t-shirt long enough to let her know that it’s too big of a hastle. She lifts up, arching her back just enough for you to slide it up and off her and as soon as your eyes settle on her once again, your breath catches in your throat.

She’s nothing but sleek muscle, creamy skin and beautiful, ample breasts and all you want is to reach over and cup them, capture one and suckle on the heaving flesh for hours upon end until she unravels under your touch and begs you to stop. But before you can even think of doing so she’s got her hands under your shirt and she pushes it up, making you lift your arms as she pulls the fabric off and throws it away haphazardly. When her eyes settle on your form she pulls her lip between her teeth and her aching breasts rise with the breath she takes until her hands reach up and you feel her palms press onto your own skin. She doesn’t tease, instead she cups your mounds, teasing the hardened peaks between her fingers and pulling at them with a smirk forming at her lips. When you gasp and moan out her smirk grows and she squeezes harder for a fleeting moment before releasing and grabbing your hands. She drags them to her own form and places them just below her breasts, arching a little when your fingertips graze her skin, all the while keeping her eyes firmly glued to your own.

“Touch me Korra…” She murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper, “Feel me…”

It’s all the encouragement, and permission, you need.

You slide your hands down her abdomen, dragging your finger across her skin as you watch her arch into your touch with her lip nestled between her teeth. When you reach the line of her underwear you can’t help but smile as she takes a sharp, short breath and her eyes fly open to meet your own. You slip a finger under the hem and tug a little, but not before you glance up, as if you’re asking for permission again, silently inspecting her every move.

“Korra…” She half-whispers and you feel her hands brush over your arms until she’s cupping your face. “It’s okay, I want you to touch me.” She says, more firmly this time, and brings you in for a kiss.

You smile against her lips and nod, faintly, before you slide further down and lay a few kisses down her jaw to her neck. You settle there, pulling and sucking at the skin, lashing out your tongue over the already bruised patch, with your lips sealed around it. You can feel heart heart beating faster with each brush of your teeth and her hands find their way to your hair when you kiss your way lower. You never once stop kissing and nibbling, occasionally flicking your tongue over her skin, not even as you tug at her underwear and let the fabric slide down with your fingers. She shudders at the motion and you feel her hips pressing up against you but then you move to the side so you can slide her short off and she moans out when you push her legs apart so you can settle between them once again.

“You are so beautiful,” You murmur against her skin and hear her giggle at your words but then you bite down, maybe a bit too roughly, on her shoulder and she screams out, in pain or in pleasure you’re not sure, but she tugs on your hair and growls in your ear and it’s the sexiest mesh of sounds you’ve ever heard in your life. You’re leaning down on your left arm a little as you brush the fingers of your right hand down her hips and the way she rolls them into your touch is enchanting, to say the least. But then you slide further down and graze your lips over a taut nipple and she arches her back once again, stifling a moan when you pull that same nipple between your lips and last your tongue over it. You pull and suckle, brushing your teeth over the sensitive, pink flesh and you lift her leg up, drape it over yourself and slide your hand down to her knee, reveling in the shudder it earn you. When you release her breast and move to the other you can feel the pressure of her hands at the back of your head and it only serves to stir you on so you squeeze with your hand as you capture her breast between your teeth and the way she screams out has you seeing stars. But it’s not enough, and you’re being consumed by how warm, supple her skin feels and how plaint her body is under your touch.

“Fuck, Korra…” You hear her mumble and you tilt your head, with her breast still trapped in your mouth. Her eyes meet yours and you’re pretty sure she won’t last long, judging by the way she’s looking at you, with nothing but hunger in her eyes. “More…” She pleads and you’re eager to comply.

You release her breast with an audible pop and it earns you another shudder but then you press your lips just below it and bite in, grinning against her skin when she squirms and rolls her hips. But you’re loving the control and if nothing, it only leaves you wanting more, so you press on her hip, pushing her down, while you leave a trail of wet, heavy kisses down the muscles of her abdomen, only stopping to glance up at her every once in awhile. By the time you’re nearing the place where she wants you the most, she’s a heaving, shuddering mess and when you finally push her legs fully apart and your hot breath settles between them, she all but screams, gripping at the sheets. You lean over and kiss her right thigh, pulling the skin between your teeth and brushing your tongue over it lightly before moving to her other leg and repeating the action. You grin at the way she lifts her hips up and tries to bring herself closer to your mouth but you know this is a moment you want to prolong and she’ll appreciate the wait a little later.

“You truly are remarkable,” You murmur against her skin, staring up from between her legs, watching her push up against nothing but air, “Astonishing, gorgeous, …” Words escape you when her eyes settle on yours and she takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Yours…” She murmurs with an exhale and it warms your heart in ways you forgot existed.

“Mine…” You repeat and kiss her thigh again, already so close where you know she needs you the most. You see the wetness and the glistening heat and the heady, thick fragrance of her arousal tickles all your senses, driving you insane. You can’t wait to bury your mouth inside her, taste and ravish, but the longer you wait the better the prize will feel and you still have things you want to tell her.

“Please Korra…” She begs you, again, and you swallow thickly because of how throaty and needy her voice is. When you press your lips ever so close to her already swollen folds she lets out a low, humming ‘oh’ and you know she really, _really_ needs you, right now.

You let up, finally, and drag your tongue through her wetness, taking in as much of her taste as you can with that one single movement. She arches up immediately and a deep, guttural moan welcomes you. “So wet…” You murmur, your lips brushing against her, “So ready…” You voice just before you reach back down to her entrance once more and give her a long, languid stroke of your tongue. When your tongue brushes against her clit she moans out again and you smile at how sensitive she already is and how good this feels. You want more of the sounds, more of her arching her back, more of everything you’re receiving. So you’ll give more, everything you have.

You squirm a little, settling better between her legs as you slip one hand around her legs, trying to keep her from thrusting her hips up, and keeping your other hand splayed across her thigh, caressing and massaging the skin. She shudders at this before you hear her moan out again when you seal your lips around her swollen bundle of nerves and pull on it lightly, flicking your tongue over it. The taste of her on your lips is making you dizzy but you want nothing more than to give her enough to bring her release so you lash your tongue across her clit, over and over, until she starts rolling her hips in a rhythm that you can follow. Occasionally you release the nub, graze your teeth over it and grin when she screams out in pleasure, but then you flick your tongue over it again and suckle as you trap it between your lips and when her hands find their way in your hair you know she’s so, _so_ close. You hand slides up and she takes in a sharp moan when you find a breast, squeeze it and pinch the hardened nipple roughly while lashing your tongue over her aching bud over and over. You want to reach down, take in more of her, taste her over and over but she’s too close already and you know there’ll be more time. So you pull down with the arm you have draped around her leg and you trap her in your grip, breaking her rhythm and stopping her thrashing. You suck on her clit once more and stroke your tongue over it in a few rushed, heavy strokes while squeezing her breast and when she arches up one more time and then stills, with her hands splayed in your hair, pushing you further into her, you know pleasure is coursing through her wildly and with great force. She’s both screaming out and moaning through the blinding tension of her release and it’s not until about a minute later when her painful grip on your hair is finally loosening that she finally falls back down on the bed, breathing heavily and loudly.

“Korra…” She calls out, her voice barely audible, “Fuck…”

But now you want to taste her so as you release her clit you dive in, lapping up all the wetness, eagerly taking in everything she’s given you. She moans out when you thrust your tongue inside her, trying to reach more of the sweetness, but then she pulls on your hair a little and you glance up and she’s smiling, so warmly, that all you want is to nestle in her arms and stay there for a while.

“Come here.” She murmurs and you smile goofily because her cheeks are tinted pink and she’s trying to look away a little bashfully but then you’re right there next to her and you’re nuzzling her cheek and she’s giggling in your ear.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous.” You mumble while kissing her cheek and she cups your face, brings you in for a kiss and nibbles on your lip. “Sho bheathshiful.” You mumble with your lip between her teeth and her smile widens together with your own.

“Yes you are.” She murmurs back at you and kisses you again, with the force of a hurricane behind it. It takes you all that you’ve got still stored inside not to fall over because in that kiss you feel everything you’ve been longing to feel, all the emotions you’ve been missing all these years.

You’re about to say something when she finally lets go but then you just tilt your head and when your eyes meet, all words and thoughts are lost on you. All you’ve left is this gorgeous woman, lying next to you with her arms wrapped around you and a heavenly smile playing across her face and to some it may not be much but to you… To you it means the world. This may be all you have right now, all that you can come back to, all that’s waiting for you at the end of the day but to you, it’s more than enough. It’s everything you’ve been wanting for a while and everything you’re willing to fight for.

“Merry Christmas Korra.” She says and pecks your lips and as you lean down to kiss her again, you feel the wetness pooling at the corners of your eyes and you know you’ll remember this for a long, _long_ time.

“Merry Christmas Asami.”

**Author's Note:**

> At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.  
> ― Warsan Shire


End file.
